Becoming

This summer has been great. And as we approach fall I want to reflect on these past few months as I have become more established and solidified as a painter. Becoming a painter is truly a lifestyle, and its one where you are always developing and in the act of becoming something other then you were before. We all are in an act of becoming, but not everyone has direction. I don't have an ultimate goal for what I will become as a painter other then to be able to paint in an honest manner to the best of my ability, to grow as a painter, and to sustain myself through painting. Its this process of becoming and having direction which feels like one of the greatest gifts painting has given me. Painting meets some subconscious, primitive need. I can say the same for family, which meets an even greater need. But focusing on painting and its value to me, the act of becoming a painter and the value I gain from it far surpasses the value of the paintings that are produced, becoming a painter has made painting become a part of me, and as I continue to develop in this discipline, I remind myself to stay mindful that I keep myself in the act of becoming. Defining what it is to be in the act of becoming is difficult, its a process of developing, a process of reaching for goals. And its in this process that i find the most value. often in these processes, I find that I've turned in a direction that I would have never expected, a good example of this is how in the process of working to be a painter, I've navigated myself into the role of a teacher.

At points, I've considered that I have arrived at a style and process which suits me, but my work will begin to dull soon after. That glimmer of awesomeness in the work will get muddied, and I will need to remind myself to loosen up, for I am in the act of becoming; becoming exactly what I do not know yet, a painter of some sort. And in doing this, the work will resolve itself back to life to that point where myself and others will look at it and see something special or inspiring. Art is interesting and special in this way. If I were to say the same other practices, it may not make sense, but in art, it seems there is always something to strive for on the horizon which we cannot yet see, and its through this act of becoming that we get closer.